Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
