How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
