The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
