I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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