my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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