Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
