what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
