Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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