Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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