He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
