She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize