I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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