she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
