Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
