It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
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