He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
