he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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