when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
