no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
