Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
