porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
