Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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