So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
