I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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