i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
