the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
