Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You can't special order awesome
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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