oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
