I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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