He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
