I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
