Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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