i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
