Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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