So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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