and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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