Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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