wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
