I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
