If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
