She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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