Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
