But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We are two peas in an std pod
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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