You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
