know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
