Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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