Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize