Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
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