just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
