As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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