The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
