Sponge bath it is.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
