Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
