we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
