there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
