Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
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