If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
ok first of all what the fuck
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