I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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