so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
