Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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