soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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