I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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