he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
she peed on how many people?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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