I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
