after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
