He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm at about main and main street
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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