Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
