exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
