To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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