loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
