You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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