One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
