Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
