also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
