let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Randomize
