Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
