If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize