her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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