Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
