Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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