I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
