It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
