What a fucking waste of an outfit
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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