Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
There's always time for handjobs
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize